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Thursday, September 29, 2011

us

This is us....
 My sweets and I...

We're us. 

Yes, we have family...

Yes, she has a "dada"

But when it comes down to it...



It's really just us.

I'm having a hard time with that lately.
A VERY hard time with it.


Being us is great...
But, when it comes down to it...

It's just me.


Being a single mom, I have a lot of fears...
 I worry more...
I struggle daily with my thoughts.

I wonder if I'm raising her right.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring...what the future holds for us.


Can I give her everything she would have gotten if my marriage was in tact?
Will she grow up happy, loved, satisfied...

Will she get everything she deserves?


Will she understand I did everything I could to keep my family together...
Will she question what happened...
Will she wonder why?
Will she blame herself...

Can I protect her from that?


Will she understand why she doesn't have the newest toy, the name brands...

Will she get to go on vacations?


Can I provide and give everything on my own...


Will I do a good job as a momma on my own?

Will I raise this little girl right?

Will I she know how much I love her and how hard I'm trying?

Will she be happy she's part of US?

I know ALL mommas struggle with these thoughts, doesn't matter if you're married or single.
We as mommas struggle with protecting and forming these little babies to be who they were meant to be.
I never planned to be a single mom. That's not the path I picked for myself...or for her. 
It happened....it's happening
I don't like it.
It's hard and it's never where I envisioned my life...her life...our life. 
I don't make much money.
I have LOTS of debt.
I thought I was going to be married and a momma...I thought that's what my "job" was going to be...so beyond that I don't have many skills...
I'm struggling.
I feel a lot of pressure to be strong. To be ok
Some days are better than others.
Some days I feel like I've got this momma thing handled....even this single momma thing handled.
At least when you're in a partnership you've got someone there...
Pushing you...reasuring you that you're doing ok.
That you're doing a good job.
And it's not just you forming this little person you both created.
It's just me....
That's a lot to take on...

It's just US.
























13 comments:

Kate Giovinco Photography said...

If you are questioning if you are a good mama, if she will have everything, if you worry, well you are a good mama and she will be fine. You will always do your best and regardless if you are married or single doing your best is all you can do.

Alli @ Life on LeRoy said...

You are truly amazing and have one of the toughest jobs ever! I think any mom would worry about all the things that you do, so please don't feel alone! My dad once gave me the best quote which is, "Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. Was it worth it?" I always am reminding myself of this! Take care.

Samantha @ Moody Mama said...

It is a Mama's right to worry. We all do it. You will always worry, but just remember you are giving her your everything - that is what matters most. She will know she is loved & yes she will love being apart of your "us".

I'm a girl from a single Mom home and we are close and always have been ;)

Sarah said...

Y'all are so cute! Here's one of my favorite quotes. Hopefully it will help calm your fears:

"In the end, everything will be okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

Keep your head up because I think everything will all work out, and you'll raise Makena perfectly! :)

Anonymous said...

Praying for you!

Connie @ Salvage Savvy said...

I just found you via Trendy Treehouse Follow Me Friday, and as a momma your post completely tugged at my heart. It sounds like your little angel has a mom who loves her dearly and will fight for her in every way... she is blessed! I'm your newest follower :)

Liz @ thequickjourney.blogspot.com said...

I will say a prayer for you. It sounds like you're doing the best you can and the rest is up to God. He will bless you and give you what you need. Hopping over from Casey's.

Haley said...

Hi! Do you think that you could make 49er bows? What would the minimum order be? Etsy hates me and wouldn't let me message you.

Thanks,

Haley

Miss Sparkles said...

I would rather be raised by one parent who cares about me and worries about me and puts me first, than two who couldn't give a crap..

It looks like you are doing a beautiful job with her and I'm sure she will grow up just fine. She is lucky to have a Momma who does care so much!

Nancy said...

Hi Dani, just stopping over to say hi after you left a comment on my blog. Your daughter is beautiful. It sounds to me like you're an amazing mother with a lot of love to give, and I know that she'll know one day that you've given her everything you could and she will love you for it :)
This might seem strange or preachy, but I hope you don't take it that way. I heard a talk recently that I loved and thought it might speak to you and what you're going through. If you find a spare minute read this, I hope it helps.

http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/forget-me-not?lang=eng

Latoya @ The Scott's Crib said...

She is so adorable;)

Anonymous said...

Your thoughts, your feelings your your worries make you a beautiful, wonderful and sensitive mother. Do not worry about the future so much, just do your very best today that in time your beautiful daughter will appreciate you very much. My mom raised four of us brother and sisters all on her own. It was not her choice but she had to do so. Looking back, it was the best that could have happened to us. When my father left us, she acted so strong and secure (I know now she was feeling so alone) that we never felt insecure or like if anything was missing in our lives. She struggled and worried but it was never shown to us although she did showed us the value of everything we had. We all did well and turned out to be great happy and well adjusted people and this was all thanks to the strength of a mother that never let us felt a father was missing. Now we all give our mom everything we can in return. You are a wonderful, amazing woman, please do not ever doubt your strength. I will have you in my prayers.

Jacquie said...

She will remember the love, nothing more and nothing less. I had a loving childhood that also included namebrands, but I dont remember the name brands, I rememer the love. She will question things, you cant stop that. She will be hurt, you cant stop that. She will wonder, you cant stop that. She would do all these things even if you were married. Being a single parent is just like being a couple. There was research done and even in homes with two parents, the mothers did almost everything considered "dad" stuff including teach the boys to pee. So realize that you are giving her everything you would have even as a couple, its up to her dad to give her everything he would have had he stayed a couple.

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