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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

selfish

How can I be so selfish...

Yes, you heard me correct. I rambled on here about how hard life as a single mom is...

I take it back.

That was selfish of me.

Let me explain....

Today, while reading and searching the blog world, I found Just For The Record a blog of a sweet little family that went through every parents worst nightmare. They lost  their sweet little seven month old baby to liver failure.

Today's post was this sweet little girl's momma longing to hold the baby she held non stop for seven months...today I wanted to complain, running back and forth to my car unloading groceries while holding Makena. Selfish.


This post, put me and my selfishness into place. She talks about her old life, you know...the non stop laundry, the crying babies, the same cartoons on repeat, not enough time in the day, rushing bath time, rushing story time, not playing with her littles long enough because of the never ending to do list.


That same life I just complained about...selfish. She wishes she could have that life again. She wishes she could put off the dishes until later because of the crying babies, she wants to go back and read the story slowly with different voices for each character. She wants to play more and snuggle longer. All the things I complained about....she wants back. I complained of my messy house, of not having me time, of no money, of not enough time in the day....selfish. I take it back. I won't care anymore if my dishes and laundry are piled...it can all wait. I won't rush bath time. I won't be annoyed or angry because I can't sleep in. I'll be thankful. I won't be frustrated that I'm a single mom. This momma I'm sure, wouldn't mind being a single mom if it meant she had a life time with her baby. 


No parent should ever have to see their child fight and struggle to live. It's heart breaking to read their story, to see how strong they've stayed. I was selfish. I appologize to this family for my complaining. I pray for this family and for the sweet little girl they've lost. I hope they find comfort that their story has touched mine and many other's lives. 


I'm selfish. I take it all back. I'll be a single mom forever if it means a life time with Makena. Makena is my rock. She in many ways saves me. She gives me purpose. She loves me. I'm thankful for her and to be her momma. She's mine. 


I'm so very sorry for your loss...


Dani and Makena


3 comments:

Heliotrope Tree House said...

I have often felt this way...when I think about all that can happen in this life...and at the drop of a hat, too. It only takes reading and knowing that there are other parents that are facing the most difficult hardships. Bless them, all.
I thank my Higher Power every day for keeping me and my daughter healthy and safe. I cherish every day with my girl and try to not take anything for granted. I have had "wake-up" calls, too...and after that, I will never complain. My daughter gave new life to me. She made me complete. She is my earth, moon, and stars. My sincerest sympathy goes out to that dear family. May they find comfort in their time of need.

The Johnson Family said...

I have had 2 close friends lose their babies this year, and it has definitely made me re-evaluate what is important! All those little "day to day annoyances" just don't seem so bad when you put it into perspective. Life is too short to be angry over the small stuff. There is so much to be thankful for. My heart goes out to that family!!

Jordan Marie said...

I have also ran across some families like this. There are so many suffering families out there. I will have to share some links with you when my Internet is back up and running. It is really sad to lose a child. I've had one miscarriage, but not at the painful level of these others. My love goes out.

I am going to visit that blog you mentioned!

<3xojo

P.S. I made some surprises (graphics) for you, but Internet went down. Will send tonight when we get home from g-parents!!!!!

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