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Friday, January 6, 2012

2012 resolution...

I've thought a lot about this year...2012. What it'll mean for me? What it'll become for me? What will I make it to be?

We get to pick our path. We get to pick how our life turns out. Yes...there will always be unexpected things that happen, I'm living proof of that. But it's how you pick yourself up and move on with it that will impact your life.

You all know that in 2010 I had my daughter, also in 2010 my husband left me. 2011 came and I thought my marriage was ending for good. It didn't. 2011 was a roller coaster. He was here working on it. Then he'd give up. Back and forth a few times. I wasn't ready to let go of 11 years, a friendship, marriage and a family I just created. Still, January 6, 2012 I don't want to let go of what was, what should be, what could be. But I think I need to.

I never thought I could make it on my own without him. But I have. For an entire year I've been alone and I've made it.

Daily I have mutiple pity parties for myself. I convince myself that he may come around. I convince myself that it's really not that bad. I convince myself that everything thing he's put me through hasn't really been him. I freak myself out that even though this limbo of being married but not really, is better than being divorced. I tell myself I can't do this on my own.

But the reality is...we all make choices. He's picked what he's done. He's decided how he wants his path.

And...I can do it on my own. I've been doing it on my own. ALL BY MYSELF. ALONE.

I'm a single mother.

Soon, I will most likely be divorced....(see that...I still haven't accepted it.)

No, I haven't filed for divorce. I'm scared. It's not what I want.

With that...

My 2012 resolution...

Become an inspiration for others. Mothers, single mothers, young girls, woman...anyone.

I want to tell you...you can do it. If you're stuggling with your thoughts, your decisions...it'll be ok. You will be ok.

We all come to the fork in the road and life becomes a standstill.

2011 was a complete standstill for me. I couldn't see a path clearly. Today it's still foggy. I can't imagaine being divorced. I hate the thought. I truly still love my husband. I wanted to believe so badly that he was going to change, make things right. But nothing changed. 2011 was life changing for me...I believe I grew up, learned things about myself and became a stronger woman for it.

I'm at a fork today.

One path divorce, move on, grow and learn.

One path this awful limbo...

I think I know the path I'm headed.

Pick your path.

Know it's ok to fight like hell. To hold on as tight as you possibly can. To love, to forgive, to support...even if no one understands it.

2012

I hope to inspire you
and
myself.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know that even if you feel alone and afriad of what lies ahead, there is a God who will care for you and make you whole and happy if you will only trust Him for your salvation.
You can't do everything on your own, you need Him. He is the one you can pour your heart out to. The One who will stick with you through thick and thin. The One who will love you, and not let you down.

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave is only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him, might not perish, but have everlasting life.

Steph said...

only you can make the right choice for you and that baby girl of yours... whatever you pick you will make into a wonderful life full of love and support. promise.

Annie@Letters to Mo said...

Divorce is both the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. Four years later, I can't tell you how much happier I am now. You will do better than get through, you will thrive. If you will only let yourself, that is.

Jill said...

Once I finally accepted that my (abusive alcoholic) husband would never change, I just did it - I got the divorce. Before that, I went back to him many times, and nothing ever changed. Once I finally let go, I started living.
Sounds like you know what's best for you. You got this girl!!!

Single Mom said...

The person who will be inspired most by you is your daughter. It is so hard being a single mom but one day your daughter will look at everything you've done for her and sacrificed and she will thank you. I hope your road to accepting the situation is smooth. Hold your head up high. And it's ok to have sad moments, we all do.

Morgan said...

Wow your post spoke right to my heart. I wish you the best of luck girl... you are very inspirational. We all have the choice to decide what we want to make with our life. I am sorry for what you have gone through but I am glad you know how strong you can be when you need to be. P.S. Your daughter is gorgeous! Take care :)

Aleyta said...

I hope you are able to find peace in whatever decision you make. No matter what you are an amazing mom :)

Jordan Marie @ hottlt.com said...

love you. <3

Kaitlyn said...

You are very inspiring hun!!! You are a very strong woman as well. This post brought me to tears. You seem like such a strong woman that can handle anything that comes in your way. Good luck with everything. I look forward to reading more of your blog. You are amazing! <3

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