I've thought a lot about this year...2012. What it'll mean for me? What it'll become for me? What will I make it to be?
We get to pick our path. We get to pick how our life turns out. Yes...there will always be unexpected things that happen, I'm living proof of that. But it's how you pick yourself up and move on with it that will impact your life.
You all know that in 2010 I had my daughter, also in 2010 my husband left me. 2011 came and I thought my marriage was ending for good. It didn't. 2011 was a roller coaster. He was here working on it. Then he'd give up. Back and forth a few times. I wasn't ready to let go of 11 years, a friendship, marriage and a family I just created. Still, January 6, 2012 I don't want to let go of what was, what should be, what could be. But I think I need to.
I never thought I could make it on my own without him. But I have. For an entire year I've been alone and I've made it.
Daily I have mutiple pity parties for myself. I convince myself that he may come around. I convince myself that it's really not that bad. I convince myself that everything thing he's put me through hasn't really been him. I freak myself out that even though this limbo of being married but not really, is better than being divorced. I tell myself I can't do this on my own.
But the reality is...we all make choices. He's picked what he's done. He's decided how he wants his path.
And...I can do it on my own. I've been doing it on my own. ALL BY MYSELF. ALONE.
I'm a single mother.
Soon, I will most likely be divorced....(see that...I still haven't accepted it.)
No, I haven't filed for divorce. I'm scared. It's not what I want.
My 2012 resolution...
Become an inspiration for others. Mothers, single mothers, young girls, woman...anyone.
I want to tell you...you can do it. If you're stuggling with your thoughts, your decisions...it'll be ok. You will be ok.
We all come to the fork in the road and life becomes a standstill.
2011 was a complete standstill for me. I couldn't see a path clearly. Today it's still foggy. I can't imagaine being divorced. I hate the thought. I truly still love my husband. I wanted to believe so badly that he was going to change, make things right. But nothing changed. 2011 was life changing for me...I believe I grew up, learned things about myself and became a stronger woman for it.
I'm at a fork today.
One path divorce, move on, grow and learn.
One path this awful limbo...
I think I know the path I'm headed.
Pick your path.
Know it's ok to fight like hell. To hold on as tight as you possibly can. To love, to forgive, to support...even if no one understands it.
I hope to inspire you