Wednesday, February 22, 2012

out with it...

I took a moment out for myself this weekend.
Took a walk...caught up on my thoughts.
Took in the fresh air.

I had a lot to think about. 
I HAVE a lot to think about.
My thoughts brought me to who I am...


Since 16 I was half of someone.
I never knew myself separate from being part of someone else.
I lived for 11 years putting someone else first,
their thoughts, feelings, heart.
All before my own.

Now it's me.

I'm learning...

I speak too soon.
I worry.
I get lost in my thoughts.
I'm sensitive and I struggle.
I smile more. I laugh often.
I love easy. I love hard.
I forgive far too fast.
I want commitment. But not marriage. 
Passion. Excitement. 
I want to live in the moment. 
No regret.

I want to be strong. Independent.

Be an example for my daughter.

I'm putting myself out there more. 
Taking chances. 
Opening up. 
Saying how I feel in the moment.

Sometimes it works. 
But sometimes it doesn't.

I have moments of 
"oh shit what did I just say...what did I just do."

But it's what was right in that time.

I learn. Move on.

It's who I am.

I don't want to cheat myself of a thought. A feeling. Of words.
Life is too short. 
You can miss moments because you're not yourself. 

Be open. Ask for what you want. Express. 
Act on emotion.

You can't change your path. You can't control what happens. 
You can only hope for the best. 

I won't change my heart. 

Searching for yourself is strange. 
Not knowing what's right.
What's wrong.
It's weird. 

Being accepted for yourself, not half of someone else. 
Being you.

Find yourself.
It's a lesson. A challenge. 
I'm searching. 

So far I like what I'm finding....


Anonymous said...

great post. It is always important to focus on ourselves!

Becky said...

I think life is too short to focus on ourselves, we need to focus on the eterenal things. Why consider the wordly things that are passing away, when we have an eternity to consider?

Devon Riesenberg said...

Newest follower :)

You rock mama, and with that positive and strong attitude of yours, amazing things will come your way...

Lindsay said...

You've got this girl! I SO can relate to what you are going thru! Im praying for you!

Ashley said...

Stay strong! Big things are ahead. Trust that. Life doesn't always makes sense. It rarely ever goes as planned. Embrace what you've been given. Hold that sweet girl a little tighter, and breathe in all of the precious moments life gives you with her! You're amazing.

Mr. Taylor and his Lady said...

what a great post. i think so many of us have these same feelings and are too scared to take those steps of soul searching. way to go girl :)
xo TJ

Nik said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nik said...

I can totally relate. I had to do some major soul searching when I was going through and after my divorce. Hang in there.

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