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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

where have you been....

Whew...it's been awhile.

I've been a bit lost in my life...thoughts...days...

But I'm coming back.

Stronger than ever.

I haven't been sad, mad...anything like that. Just busy. Lost.

Soul searching.

Things have been changing around my life, mostly good. I've been doing a lot for myself and for Makena.

For a moment I got caught up in wanting someone to love me...anyone. It's lonely going from being married and happy, to working and holding onto your marriage, that feeling. To finally letting it go but still wanting to be loved and to feel loved.

I was left at a time where I needed to feel loved the most. The days, weeks, few months after we have a child a woman (most?) are at their lowest point emotionally, EVER. We are looking for reassurance. Are we pretty, are we fat, are we doing a good job with the baby, are we loving you enough, are we keeping up on the house...life. Are we doing OK? I didn't get to be reassured that I was doing ok...I was left. So I felt abandoned.

So I guess in away now...I just want love...anything. Attention. But not really. It's complicated. I want someone there...I want someone to talk to, to make me feel pretty, to hang out with...but I don't want "titles" I don't and CAN'T be in "something" right now.

Make sense? Complicated...YES.

I've come to find I truly need to love myself first. And obviously, we all know my daughter comes before any of this.

So lately...We've been doing a lot of this....


Snuggin'....we got our pups back...

Momma's been treating her self to tanning and Starbucks...

We've been sick for what feels like a month...chick got a cold, then turned into her first ever ear infection, then I got and have the cold, then we ended up at the ER the other night because of a crazy rash the little got caused by a reaction to the ear infection meds...

Chick started day care (more on that later)...five minutes from my house and five minutes from work...we get home at this time...WHAT!?

 I'm becoming slightly obsessed with working out...I've got a lot to clear my head from and this is helping...

4 comments:

Mama and her boys said...

Im sorry that you are having a had time. A few months back, I felt like I went through a hard time- just feeling like I really needed to find myself. You should check out the book "The Happiness Project". It really helped me focus on ME and what I need in my life in order to make sure that I was happy. I have two wonderful children and a great husband, but I was still feeling a little empty. Maybe it was a quarter life crisis, who knows, but I know that I am much happier now and this book really inspired me. Sending huge hugs your way!!

Kiara Buechler said...

I was wondering where you disappeared to. Glad you are back. Your puppy is adorable! Whoa, you are getting home like an hou earlier, right? What a difference that must make in quality time with Chick!

Just the Two of US said...

Glad things are looking up for you! hang in there, it's all going to be awesome from here!

Jamie said...

Hang in there. The ebbs and flows are tough sometimes but they are what makes life real. Hugs to you.

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