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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

currently...

Life has the best of me.
I don't know what's going on.
I can't get control of it.

I feel like everything is spinning.
Life is going by a million miles a minute.
I can't grab a hold of it.
I can't slow it down.

My sweets turned two not too long ago...
But along with most memorable moment in my life...
Soon came the hardest.

Being on cloud nine after the birth of her,
Was stolen from me.

Two years later,
My world is still rocking with aftermaths.

Two years later I'm still not sure where I'm headed.
I don't have control,
As much as I think I do.

I go days, weeks, months...
Feeling great.
Then suddenly,
I'm jolted.

I'm reminded of where I was going and where I am now.
I'm reminded that I thought I had it figured out.
I'm reminded of the hurt.

I've come to peace in my heart that that life is no longer,
But my mind reminds me of other things.

We're our own harshest critics.
I beat myself up daily wondering if it was all because of me.
I doubt myself as a partner.
I doubt myself as a mother.
I can pick myself apart in a matter of seconds.

I know in two years I've made so much progress within myself...
But in two years I feel like I've gotten no where close to where I want to be...

Where do I want to be?

Currently...

I'm lost.
I'm breathing.
I'm alive.
I'm living.

The world is moving and I'm at a stand still.

I'm an independent woman.
Not yet confident in that title.
I'm strong but so weak.

I'm searching for direction. Motivation.
I'm searching in all the wrong places.

The only one that has the answers is me....

Life is moving. I'm not.

I need to and I will...






1 comment:

Virginia Battel said...

"Being on cloud nine after the birth of her,
Was stolen from me."
up until now i thought no one in the world had that same ache in their heart. i feel your heartbreak. continue to follow your heart and with time you will see a clearer road ahead

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