A story that is being written as I type. A story that is being written as you read.
My story. Your story. We all have a story.
Behind a smile there have been tears. Behind love there has been heartache. Behind triumph there has been loss.
It was full of young love. The only love I had known.
I'd met him at 15. Loved him at 16. Lived with him at 18. Engaged at 19. Married him at 20. Bought a home at 21.
Pregnant at 25. Lost that precious life.
Foreclosed on our home.
Sweet Makena Renee arrived.
2.5 months later my world came crashing down.
My husband left me.
I packed my life, along with my baby and moved home to my parents.
A month away of two years and my story seems that of a movie.
What seemed like a perfect life was no longer.
I've struggled for nearly two years to make sense of it.
I've had questions unanswered. I've lived with the unknown. I've lived with forgiveness but never,
I've been to therapy. I've written. I've spoke. I've shared. I've thought. I've questioned.
How did this happen to me?
When you search for answers and come up empty you turn to yourself, your thoughts.
My mind has at times, made me believe my husband left me because I wasn't good enough. I must have done something wrong. I must have failed as a wife.
I know those are not true statements.
But your mind does not hold the answers.
I've struggled to real deal with it all.
Lets be real,
I've had a child to take care of. One who never asked to be born. Never asked to be from a broken home. I've had a little life to protect. To love. To raise.
She's given me strength to go on and get through.
But I've also put my hurt and pain to the side because I needed to be powerful, full of strength. I needed to prove to her and everyone else that although my world and life as I knew it was crumbling, I'd be the best damn mother imaginable. I'd prove to those with the sad "I feel so sorry for Dani" eyes, that this would not be the end of me. That this would not be the end of my story.
I will pick up the pieces and rebuild my story.
I will struggle to find my place. But I will find it.
I've been distracted.
Distracted from really rebuilding.
Distracted from getting to know who I am aside from being a wife.
Being a partner/wife from the age of 16 to 27 and suddenly alone, is life altering.
Throw in becoming a mother. A single mother at that.
I've been distracted at finding who I really am.
I'm in search of me.
Me as a single, strong, independent, mother and woman.
I need to feel confident in who I am as a person.
Feel proud of the steps I take daily.
Decisions I make.
I need to stop being distracted and making excuses and start living and dealing with the life I'm living.
The story I'm writing.
Two years ago I had no idea where I was headed.
I still don't.
I need to get out of the bubble of what has happened to me. It's part of my story. One day it will just be a small part, maybe a few chapters....
But it won't be my entire story.
My story of rebuilding is starting today.
My daughter deserves this.
I deserve this.
I deserve to be happy.
No life is perfect. No one is perfect.
The world will always be full of things, setbacks, happiness, sadness...
But your story is what you make of it.
You are responsible for it.
People will play minor roles in your story but you are the main character. Don't let anyone steal your role...your spot light.
Behind every person there is a story...
This is mine...