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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

me...

Have you ever really taken the time to find yourself. To find who YOU truly are? I'm 28 and have no clue who Dani really is... In these last few years I've learned to separate myself from the girl I once was. One who may have lacked in maturity, one who was fully dependent on others, one who couldn't imagine being alone. One who follow, not lead. That girl, she was a 16 year old girl. I happily followed a path that I believed to be true love, I still believe it was. But I was so young and dependent on that love I never allowed myself to find me. This last year I was running from finding me. I was finding distractions to fill the pounding thoughts going through my head..."who am I...who is Dani." I didn't want to know. I ran from those thoughts only to find them staring straight at me daily. Minute by minute they were in my face. My distractions could only distract me for so long, I could only run for so long....



I'm here faced with finding myself. I'm searching. I'm no longer in distraction mode. I'm accepting a late start in life. I'm looking for my passions, what excites me, whats my drive in life. I'm still struggling on a few things...but like everything those things will slowly fall into place. 


It's definitely challenging to search for yourself at 28 all while being a single mother. You're forced to second guess yourself because it's not just you who your actions may affect, it's your little one who's depending on you and looking up to you for guidance. You're challenged in many ways, pulled in different directions. It's finally up to me and me alone to pick which direction I'm headed. Which will be the best decision for not only me but for the little girl that stands beside me. 


I get caught up in where you're supposed to be in life, where others my age are. But really, where is a 28 year old female supposed to be? I thought because I've been married and had a baby that that's where I needed to be again. But it's not. I thought I needed to be that person again...sooner than later. I don't. While the thought of being a wife and having a marriage doesn't cross my mind too often, it definitely doesn't scare me. I still believe in love and a long life with someone, but it's not something I'm searching for. It's not what I need to feel complete. What's completing me these days is the love I have for my child. The love I'm finding for myself. The acceptance of what was and what is.


They say when you stop searching for the answers things will make better sense. Things will happen when you least expect them to. I'm slowly starting to believe that. I can rack my brain and pick the past 11 years apart, only to come up more confused and frustrated than ever. I'm learning to live in a world of acceptance. I'm living to trust myself and my path and search within myself only for happiness, not for answers. I'm a forgiver and a lover by heart and I'm very fond of those qualities of mine. I stand by them strongly.


I'm learning the only way to truly be happy in life is to be happy with yourself. Us girls, most...maybe not all, we're over thinkers. We over analyze. We'll pick apart the simplest thing and turn it upside down and try to figure it out, even when it was just black and white. I don't want to be that way. I want to be one who lives in the moment and takes life for what it is. I'm learning that the only way to be who you're supposed to be is accept who you are this very minute. I want to be simple. And if you can't accept who you are and be comfortable in the life you're living how can you be open to all the other possibilities that life may bring us...


So currently...Dani is...a strong, independent, single, mother, loving, caring, full of heart and struggles. But is accepting of what was and what is to come. Dani is ready to finally find herself...



12 comments:

Michelle said...

Dani,
I read your blog on a regular basis and just want you to know how strong I think you are! I shared this blog post with another friend of mine today who is going through a similar situation, and I hope she gains something from reading it. Thank you for being inspirational!

Lindsay said...

Your beautiful inside and out. ADORE you!

Helene said...

i think you are so strong to post this. and you look wonderful!!
Helene in Between

Ginny said...

Love this outfit,
Ginny
mynewfavoriteoutfit.blogspot.com

Alisa Marie said...

Great post! I absolutely love this, it's so inspiring! Love your outfit too :) new follower!

http://allthingsalisaamarie.blogspot.com

Nicholl Vincent said...

i loved reading this. Read it several times because i could relate. You are amazing!

xo

love and cheer from thechiffondiary.com :)

kateprs said...

I admire your courage. I have been keeping up with another divorcee blogger and she has such a strong spirit. I wish you (and your daughter) the best for your new life.

Kate @ A Journey in Style

smk053078 said...

I admire your honesty, rawness and open heart in this post. I am 34 years old and still sometimes wonder "who am I". I think we are always evolving and growing and that's what makes life so beautiful. Stay strong and keep your chin up. Thanks for linking up.

dandelionfleur said...

Hi I'm a new follower from the bloghop. Love the pictures in conjunction with the message.

Nicole Buckingham said...

you know, you seem to be well on your way to knowing you and it seems like you have so wisely chosen to embrace the journey.

Aloha Sweet Friend,
We are gathering for An Aloha Affair , a sweet sort of mingling and sharing and growing together. I would so love it if you'd join us. You will always be welcome, anytime. Save ya a seat?...

xo,
Nicole
localsugarhawaii.com

Lisa @ Lisa the Vegetarian said...

I'm just about your age and I always feel like I'm still trying to find myself too. Little by little we're getting there though.

Stopping by from the Friday blog hop!

Kerry Louise said...

Such a beautiful post
New follower from www.ohsoamelia.com
-Kerry

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