in this moment...

Being a momma is nothing but amazing.

Pure bliss.

I never imagained being a "single" momma...

But I don't think I'd change it for the life of me.

My girl and I have this crazy bond.

I'm sure having a husband/partner there full time would be amazing.

All the help, the fun, the talks..

I'm sure at the end of the day having someone there is great.

Since my sweets was born,

I've pretty much been alone.

I mean, 2.5 months after she was born I moved in with my parents.

Parents and a husband are two totally different things.

And when you're dealing with a newborn and your marriage falling apart,

The last thing I wanted to do was chat it up with my parents about how dandy life is.

When my Bug was about 9 months we moved out of my parents into our "own" place.

At first it was HARD.

Hard on many levels.

I'd NEVER lived on my own...

Of course I wasn't alone this time...but in a sense, I was.

I was on my own for the first time and a momma.

I didn't get to share all the "first" with someone, the sleepless nights, the "damn we made it through that" moments.

I wouldn't change it.

I say I woudn't change it because it's the only way of being a momma that I know.

Would I have LOVED to have my marriage work out...

YES!

Did I do everything I could possibly do to try and get my marriage and life back...

YES!

Do I think my daughter deserves her mom and dad together. A family...

YES!

But life didn't work that way.

But my girl and I are happy.

Sure there are struggles.

Sure there are times when I sit and reflect on what "should be."

Sure...

Life could be a lot easier.

But I think that goes for anyone's situation.

My girl is a few weeks shy of being TWO.

Which means I'm a few weeks shy of having two years of this momma thing under my belt.

Not to toot my own horn...

But let me just pat myself on the back if you don't mind.

I'm raising a happy, healthy, smart little girl.

For the most part,

alone.

I'm sure a lot of people that would have been put in my situation may have given up.

Passed this sweet little person on to others for "help."

I didn't.

I clung to every minute of her.

Of this life.

I pushed through.

She deserves a good, normal life just like anyone else.

In my eyes she deserves more.

I'll go to the lengths to give her whatever I possibly can.

The other night I posted about our nights.

That night I truly felt happy, at peace.

I've struggled a lot with being alone.

I haven't been a big fan of not having a "person."

But the other night I had this feeling come over me of it being ok.

Maybe I'm meant to be alone.

Maybe ONE day I'll have someone.

But for now,

I think it's supposed to be just her and I.

I'm ok with it all.

I do know, I'll never settle for anything less than I deserve.

So whoever may or may not come into our lives has huge shoes to fill.

High standards.

I feel lots of good things coming our way.

LOTS.

I'm not sure what they are.

But I feel it.

And I'm excited.