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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

us...at biship's pumpkin patch...

...Picture overload...

I can't get enough of the time I spend with my little lady. If it's a quick trip to the store, an adventure, our morning rides to day care, birthdays, even our spur of the moment dinner dates... My time with her is precious. Sometimes it's limited, due to divorce. But the moments I have with her...I want to make memories. I want everyday to be magic. For her and for me. 

As I type this post I'm listening to Taylor Swift's song "Never Grow up"
Melt my heart...I'm crying....


"To you, everything is funny....You got nothing to regret...I'd give all I have, honey...If you could stay like that..." 



"Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up....Just stay this little...Oh darling, don't you ever grow up...It could stay this simple...."


I know I can't keep this girl little. I know I can't keep her from growing. I know I can't keep her all to myself, everyday...I have to share her. But she is my daily strength. A little tiny two year old is so powerful. The world around her amazes her. The way the moon can still be spotted during the day, her play kitchen, her big girl table, the birds, the wind....everything is amazing. To see the world the way a two year old sees it is breathtaking. The way my two year old sees it is wonderful. She sees no wrong. To her, her life is magical. She knows she is loved. She knows her momma loves her...and I know my girl loves me...



Some days are a breeze. Some days we're both wanting to pull our hair out. She may be tiny...but she is full of sass and she is mighty. She is mine. I will try and make everyday a memory for her.


"I won't let nobody hurt you...won't let nobody break your heart...no, no one will desert you...just try to never grow up, never grow up..."



Being a single parent, I can't say it's the hardest thing I've done or experienced because this is basically the only way I've known to parent. We've been doing this thing since she was 2.5 months... I won't say I'm a parenting pro...or a single mother pro. I struggle. I beat myself up when she misbehaves, my thoughts go directly to..."I must be doing this all wrong." I'm not. She's two. This is what all parents of toddlers go through. But it's hard. I can choose the path of staying home and not experiencing things with her or getting our booties out there and taking life for what it is and experiencing it.



We're choosing to experience. To go. To get out. It's not easy. But I do it not only for her...but for us...



She's going to grow. She's going to eventually think her momma is uncool. She's going to become an independent woman one day and I can only lead by example. I can only show her what I know. Teach her right from wrong and hope that she makes the right decisions. I hope she grows to be a beautiful young girl that is strong. That finds strength from within herself. I hope she loves life the way she does now. I hope she is caring and smart. I hope she is the nicest girl around....



I hope she looks up to me in ways all mothers hope. I hope I never let my weaknesses win. I hope she looks at me with love in her eyes for all time. I know there will be disappointments, on both our parts. But there will always be, "I'm sorry's" and "I love you's" She might not have the easiest life or a life full of things. But she will experience and she will know what love is like. I hope she one day looks up to me and recognizes the strength I have...I hope she knows I wasn't always strong, but because of her tiny life I found my place in the world. I found my strength within her. I found my direction as a mother...as her momma.



If I could keep her tiny and little, I would. But that would mean we'd miss out on the future. We'd miss out on more adventures, dinner dates, dance offs in the car...we'd miss our chats and laughs. Days are not always easy and it'll always be that way...but we take them and what they have to offer happily. I wouldn't change it....


3 comments:

The Michelle Show said...

Its heartbreaking to watch them grow up, I never expected it at all. But you are a great Momma!

Shannon Marie said...

Just a few things!
1. You're such a stylish and beautiful mother!
2. I'm obsessed with your little one's bows!
3. This looks like such a fun and special way to get into fall!

Have a great day!

Sarah Mc. said...

Your little girl is soooooo cute! She looks like she's got a bunch of personality. I have a two year old, too, and I can certainly identify! I'm not a single mom, but my husband works out of town sometimes. It is HARD. Props!

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