pumpkin patch...round three...

Another day another pumpkin patch... I dug through my archives to find our Biships adventure from last year and read through it briefly. I talked a lot about single parenting. I didn't really want to finish reading it...I'm in such a different place today than a year ago, than yesterday even. 

It's amazing what time can do, how much can change yet stay the same...

My single parenting adventure is just...life. Simple as that. With a growing three year old who's personality and ATTITUDE is bigger than life it's self...I struggle. I struggle if I'm doing everything right? If I give in too easily. Am I too hard on her? Do I rush, am I too strict, am I spoiling her or am I not giving her enough?

It's a constant battle within myself.

But those questions I assume, are the same exact questions ANY parent ask themselves, married, single or with a partner. 

The last few months, just like the last few years...we've hit bumps in the road. Remember when I moved? Well...I've failed to mention that that didn't work out. We moved back in the beginning of August. There were many reasons it didn't work and a lot of personal hurt behind it...but when it comes down to it....I feel like I've failed my girl. In January when I decided to move I thought it was going to be life changing, a new start for the "new life" I've been in search for. I thought this would finally be my...our break. Single parenting and starting completely over in a new city is hard...even if you have "help." Searching for a job and getting denied is an awful feeling but then the potential of getting that new job and having to find good, affordable childcare is even harder...

So many things to think about when you're alone that not a lot of people truly understand until...they're you.

What hurts the most in this situation is the fact that I do have child depending on me to make ALL the right choices. It's me alone in the decision making....and thats terrifying.  To have your child look up to you and ask you serious questions is mind blowing. You do your best to explain things age appropriately...but to not have someone to reassure you that you're doing it all right is sometimes an unsettling feeling.

But each day we grow, we learn, we carry on...We accept the past and move on with the future. No parent is perfect. I know I'm far from...but I do know my girl is happy and she's loved and in the end I am doing right by her...

That's all this momma could ask for...

Happy girl...Happy momma...